Practicum #3

This week I practiced honesty. I practiced being honest with myself as well as others. In the past I have struggled with not being truthful, especially with myself. I realized this past week that the reason why I lie is to please others. When I want to stay home I sometimes end up going to a friend’s house because they wish for my company. I have also noticed myself apologizing for things I’m not sorry for. I performed honesty by showing my true feelings, and listening to what I know is best for me. I also paid attention to the times I have lied or said sorry and why I did so.

What experiences have you had as a result of practicing this belief or value that you would not otherwise have had?

One of my best friends, John, called me after his ballet class on Tuesday. He said he was coming with a few dance friends to pick me up for dinner. Part of me wanted to go, but I was planning on going with my dad to pick up my mom at the airport. I asked myself what I wanted more, to hang out with the friends I see five days a week or see my mom for the first time in ten days. I told John to not pick me up, and that I wanted to get my mom at the airport instead. John respected my decision even though he wished I could be there. He understood that seeing my mom was important to me. Saying no heightened my personal respect, and gave me the opportunity to do what I desired. Seeing my mom standing outside baggage claim with her suitcases was fulfilling to me. I spent time with John after school on Friday. I enjoyed his company and recognized how much I appreciate having him as a friend.

Last weekend I performed in a dance concert. I was in two pieces, one was a slow duet and the other was a theatrical piece where I played an old man. Before shows we have a ballet class to warm up. Classes include bar exercises and center exercises. It has been over five weeks since I got this ankle sprain meaning I should be doing center work at this point. During the warm up on Friday we transitioned from the bar to the center. I craved to dance so intensely but as I marked the first center combination I felt a sharp pain in my foot. If it weren’t for this practicum I probably would have convinced myself my foot did not hurt, but I was honest with myself and recognized it wasn’t a good idea to dance. This was extremely hard for me because I should be taking the full class at this point. I listened to my intuition and didn’t further injure myself.


What new insights do you have about the belief or value you’ve practiced?

On Tuesday I didn’t attend ballet class. Before my injury my friend Ellie gave me a ride to dance every Tuesday. Once I sprained my ankle, Ellie wasn’t sure if I was going to dance on Tuesdays or not. As I commenced dancing again I began asking her for rides on Tuesdays. Last Tuesday I didn’t feel like I needed to bother asking her because I thought the routine was back on track. I waited for her and once it was time for class to start I realized she wasn’t coming. John asked me why I wasn’t there. I lied and said my dad wasn’t able to drive me. I learned that there are certain things worth lying about. If I told John I was waiting for Ellie, there’s a chance he would have informed her about it. She loves doing favors for people and I know she would have felt guilty. Ellie has no reason to feel responsible for my inability of getting to dance. This wouldn’t have happened if I called her and ask for a ride.

Almost everyone was crying after the concert last weekend. Another dancer, Emily, broke her finger before the concert. She was also unable to dance. Neither of us were pouting our faces or tearing up. I told Emily I wasn’t sad. The concert was over for me even before the rehearsals became sincere. I know I would have at least acted sad if it weren’t for this practicum, because I think my peers expect me to feel that way. I recognize that I have faked my emotions in the past to fit in to other’s expectations. The benefits of showing my honest emotions this week have been gaining respect from others and feeling secure with myself. Hiding my true feelings has made me feel low in the past, because I was concealing myself from my own family, friends, and acquaintances.



Is the level at which you’re practicing sustainable in your life? Why or why not?
I know this practicum is a sustainable one, and honesty is something that I plan on practicing for the rest of my life. I have already learned that I am capable of being honest about my feelings while being respected. In fact, I feel more respected now than before. When I say no, I feel entirely in control of my own decisions. I wish for success. Even if I became a principle dancer in the world’s greatest Ballet Company, I wouldn’t feel successful without honesty. I will continue practicing honesty and let this value develop to its greatest potential.


What was your biggest take away that will influence your final credo?

I believe that honesty relates to my core values of diversity and acceptance. Respecting yourself and making your decisions is important to making you the person you are. Everyone has their own opinions and desires. This is what makes us independent and different from one another. I value acceptance of others, and this practicum helped me accept myself. Perfection is boring and lying to make yourself that way is particularly hard on you, but also your peers. Honesty is another essential component to what my credo will be about, finding happiness.


What are your core values? What do you believe?

I believe in honesty, acceptance, and reaching beyond perfection. Happiness is achieved by loving others for who they are, and loving my self for who I am. Lying will only shelter my individuality from the world.

Interview #3

For my final interview, I spoke with my father Steve. He owns a landscape maintenance business, because he loves experiencing what nature has to offer day by day. He grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family but began practicing Buddhism after the tragedy of my sister’s stroke. I rarely speak with my dad about life and the lessons we gain knowledge from. Steve has taught me so much over the years. Sharing similarities and values with my father reinforced my value of the importance of family. Talking to him about the challenging experiences we have shared as family made this interview a powerful one.

What are the interviewee’s core values? What does he believe?

Steve believes in empathy, integrity and valuing life’s flaws. He disapproves of cheating people to make more money. He puts his heart into every job even if his customers are oblivious. He loves feeling satisfied with his own work. Integrity helps him continue feeling pleased with himself. Steve covered many jobs like painting houses, bar tending and working at the bank. As a young adult he didn’t know what he wanted for a career. Steve believes experiencing many jobs, having money dilemmas, and raising three children has helped him grow to be empathetic. Now he over tips the waiters at restaurants, even if they’re slow or mess up his order. “I also have empathy for people having troubles in their life, because I have gone through some difficult times in my own life” he told me. These tough events have taught him that “opening up to other people’s vulnerabilities make you stronger.”

What is a story and/or metaphor that the interviewee used to illustrate his values and beliefs?

He believes in being happy regardless of the rough things we experience in life. “If you place too much of an expectation on stuff it will cause you to be unhappy” he told me. I asked him about a sensitive time in my family’s past, when my sister Jasmine was lured into the world of human trafficking. I was twelve years old when a pimp robbed her from herself. She was brainwashed. I remember the day she came home, and the Jasmine I knew growing up just seemed to vanish. It still tears both of us up to talk about this family tragedy. This experience helped shape his views on his attitude toward unbending situations. “You just have to deal with life as it comes” he said. He believes you can gain strength from painful feelings like disappointment and sorrow.

Addie’s stroke was another incident that formed his values. “I feel like she opened up a world for us that we knew nothing about”. He spoke about Addie being such a gift, and that he has learned so much about himself. He hardly ever begins to question what Addie would be like if she were normal. “That’s just the way she is” he said. “Just as she learned to walk she got hit with a stroke. It got a point where I wasn’t really hoping for anything and I wasn’t really afraid of anything. Usually you have either hope or fear in your life, and I was just at a very calm place where I was just living moment to moment” he said. He wanted to learn how to live that way without having to go through a tragedy. This is why Steve began practicing Buddhism.

What are the “hard questions” about the interviewee’s values and beliefs? How would he respond to those questions?

“I was brought up a fundamentalist Christian and for the longest time there just seemed to be something not right about it. I felt like I just didn’t fit.” He described a dream he had when he was little where his brothers and parents were faking their Christianity, and they turned out to be demons. He was terrified that he wasn’t being a good Christian, and he would end up in hell. “I just always felt like I was different from the rest of the family” he said. “I didn’t question my families values as a kid even though I had these dreams and feelings,” but he felt forced to believe instead of choosing to. In college he found himself in a complicated position when he discovered his beliefs were different from his family’s. “I use to wish that I would have the same beliefs as my family, it would have made thing easier and it wouldn’t threaten their world view.”

Fundamentalist Christianity was unnatural to Steve because he was constantly afraid. I wonder if he would have experienced anxiety if his parents didn’t drag him to church every Sunday. I have noticed a pattern in our culture. Authority figures attempt to mold the next generation in our public school system, social settings and our homes. My dad believes that “people like to use religion to control people, so that they can have power over others”. I reflected on this for a while, and it occurred to me that Steve’s parents may have endeavored controlling his religious beliefs because they loved him. I asked if he thought their control may have related to their love for him. “They loved me, but the way they brought me up was because they feared god”. I wonder why we sometimes don’t perceive our own fear. Maybe people are too afraid to even see it. Almost like an alcoholic in denial, humans have a strange ability of counterfeiting reality.

How has your perspective on your own beliefs and values changed as a result of the interview? What was your biggest takeaway that will influence your final credo?

We aren’t always in control of the things that approach us in life, but we are in control of our attitude towards them. I believe the only way one can find happiness is by learning from tragedies and living moment to moment like my dad. I believe that if life were perfect it wouldn’t be as valuable.